Post Divorce Stress

I had a yearly check up with my Doctor yesterday. As is typical, the conversation got around to how are things post divorce? The nurse politely asked this as she was taking my blood pressure. Expounding away on this 'n that of the divorce, when the monitor beeped and she read the numbers and gasped. "Wow, that's really high for you", she exclaimed. Then realizing I'd been talking about my divorce she asked me to breathe deeply and we'd try again. Sure enough the numbers were right on track. Ahh, the effects of stress. Isn't it amazing that one short conversation had my blood pressure up? The moral of this story is, stay positive, and breathe deeply. That's not to say we don't need to express our anger. But after we express, it's good to just let go of it. Happy Weekend!

Fall’s Delights

 

Saw the movie Julie and Julia last night. Delightful! Oh, it made me want to come home and cook! After my divorce I really haven't cooked much at all. Sometimes it seems easier to buy a burrito and make it last for 2 meals. But now I'm craving a good meal, as in the movie. And butter, oh beurre.

When my daughter was two years old, I realized I was going to be in the kitchen for years to come. And I had a thought that I might as well enjoy it. So I signed up for my local cooking classes through retail outlet popular at the time. I really did enjoy the classes and making the homework assignments at home. And for a time, we certainly ate better. But my, there were dishes galore and I spent an arm and a leg on expensive, quality ingredients. I still use many of those recipes, as I perfected more than several of those dishes.

Divorce, however has a way of bringing one to the basics. Now it's a simple stir fry or quesadillas with a pre-made chicken. Breakfast for dinner has become not just a favorite, but a steady friend; eggs are so easy. Not to mention, ok, I'll mention, that I had to let go of many of my fancy kitchen tools like the mandolin. 50/50 sucks even when dividing the kitchen. On the bright side, most of what's in my kitchen now actually gets used!

Food's earthy quality has a way of bringing people together. It's so sensual to sit down to a nice meal with friends. It's spiritually nourishing and filling to enjoy meals together. Time to plan a gathering.

Summer Brings Relaxation

I just returned from a family vacation in the Northwest. Because I'm a strong believer in family ties, I had my daughter fly in for a long weekend from a two week camp that she is participating in. I felt it was so important that she be with my family AND she had been looking forward to this camp for a year. So how could they both be happening at the same time?

The idea to fly in for the weekend was hers! She's darned lucky I'm a flexible Mom that's willing to listen to her. She got to have her camp and hang out with my family as well. It's so important to listen and have the willingness to tackle issues that arise, and especially so when children are dealing with the heartache of a divorced family. For me, dealing with the issues is what keeps me assured I'm living in integrity.

Coping with Child Custody Arrangement

The tears are flowing again. How do I cope with not seeing my child when she's with her Dad? It's so super hard. Although I know our custody arrangement is the best for us, sometimes I feel like I'm walking around in a shell, my armor is thick over my heart with grief. Any "arrangement" sucks. And as my shell softens the tears fall, slowly at first but like a river flowing to the ocean they pick up speed until they are tumbling forth and my body lets loose. My body and heart know that the way through is to cry these tears. But my mind and ego just want to be strong. Something tells me there is strength in the letting go and I've seen its truth. I'm able to make huge strides in my life when I accept the truth and the pain. But it doesn't make it easier.

What's so hard for me is not having the intact family that I dreamt of in my childhood. We grow up loving those summer moments of peace and calm in the backyard at dusk. I want that again. With family around me and a sense of belonging. Like all is right in the world.

What will my child remember of her childhood? What will she hold onto as important?

For now I focus on what I can create with her. Staying in the moment when I'm with her gives her the best of me. I'm looking forward to a 4^th of July BBQ and fireworks with my daughter and friends; new friends. Friends that understand the pain of separation and divorce. We take great comfort in one another.

Being Nice and Still Getting it Done.

My ex and I are still jointly on some bank accounts. It's pretty maddening to see his balances on my online banking. Earlier this month I asked him to close the accounts (he's the only one using them). This was after I asked my bank to help me out. Bank said the accounts have to be closed and re-opened. So I could close the accounts, which will cause an uproar. And, kind of unnecessarily so. But my ex still won't communicate with me. And it is frustrating to be spending time on this. I'm so ready to move on.

I wouldn't mind causing the uproar, except we are co-parenting together. So at some point we'll run into each other, most likely this week. I really do my best to keep my daughter out of the middle. Even she has said what a drag it is to feel torn in two. Where's the line between responsible co-parenting and getting it done? Will keep you posted!

Sexy

I still love feeling sexy. Feeling sexy after my divorce tastes like a chocolate truffle melting in my mouth.

Recently I walked into Starbuck's and turned a head or two. It was a Saturday morning and I had the attention of a Dad who was there with his young daughter and wife. You know that feeling that someone is watching you? Then you look up and they turn their head away. That's the evidence. They don't want to be caught watching you.

I didn't feel so sexy during the latter part of my marriage. Sexy is delicious. I wish women everywhere the deliciousness of feeling sexy.

Friends in Heels

This past week I went to a networking event with my talented bookkeeper, Paula Pacheco. What a great time we had seeing old friends and meeting new people. Even going to the ladies room was eventful as we shared a toast to each other's business with the mouthwash provided in teeny cups! Settling back into the car after the 2 hour event, we both took off our high heels and began to rub our feet. Networking in heels is a bitch. "If only I could still wear stilettos," she complained. "You can!" I replied, "as long as you're sitting at home, with your feet up on the ottoman." We roared with laughter all the way home. Ahhh, it is good to have fabulous friends.